Women: Are You Guilty Of Going After The Wrong Chat Line Guys?
This one is for the ladies who go after the ‘bad guy’ type! As an avid chat line user or serial dater, there is a big chance that you’ve come across your fair share of bad apples. But, do you notice that your love choices is a pattern? Is your phone dating history full of guys who talk over you, aren’t polite, and are altogether wasting your time? If so, you are following a bad chat line pattern that you need to break.
You are going after the wrong chat line guy.
What does it mean to go after the wrong chat line guy?
It’s really a form of emotional self-harm. It’s habitual dating of people who ‘aren’t good for you.’ What does that really mean? It means putting yourself in toxic relationships and it stems from unhealthy attachment styles that were likely developed early on in childhood. It can be going back to the same toxic relationship over and over, or dating toxic people over and over again. To some people, chaos, toxicity, and bad relationships are so familiar that they feel more comfortable than healthy ones. On phone dating platforms, it looks like this: Your phone date interrupts you, makes you feel ‘less-than,’ goes out of his way to put you down, doesn’t make time for you, doesn’t make you feel special (except for brief moments), etc.
You might even be someone who constantly goes back to their bad chat line ex over and over again in an attempt to feel that toxic love feeling.
What types of relationships come of toxic phone dates?
Again, it can stem from an addiction to chaos. If you grew up with troublesome parents, it might have trickled into your attachment style to people you date as an adult. For example, if your mother was particularly distant or avoidant, you might seek that out in the people you become romantically involved with. You’ll put that kind of behavior on a pedestal. A very lame way to say this is ‘daddy issues’. At its heart, it just means that it’s an unhealthy attachment style.
You will attach to someone who is love-avoidant or deeply afraid of an emotional connection. That person feels a win each time their distant or emotionally unavailable lover is kind to them or briefly allows them to get close. The kinds of relationships this leads to can be co-dependent, or just relationships with unavailable people. It’s an affinity for people who will never take the relationship seriously (due to their own personal issues) and who are going to make you feel as if you are to blame for the fallout.
With chat lines, you might find yourself having trouble getting this person to commit to finally meeting you in-person. They might try to constantly push phone sex on you when you want an emotional connection.
How To Break This Bad Phone Dating Cycle:
Be self-aware, but not hard on yourself!
There’s behavior that you should be aware of and take responsibility for, but it’s behavior about how you treat yourself. Not how you ‘could have done better’ in a given relationship. Learn about your attachment issues, accept them, and forgive yourself. You are only human.
Try phone dating someone you wouldn’t normally phone date
You always go for the wrong people, right? So, why not step completely out of the box and try something that feels totally new? People who go after the wrong guys might dismiss potential healthy relationships because they seem ‘boring,’ but sometimes ‘boring’ really means that they are someone who isn’t going to screw you over, or they are healthy. You won’t know until you try.
Don’t let nerves get the best of you
Some people are naturally nervous on phone dates, or any type of date for that matter. If you are nervous, you will be less likely to stick to your guns and remain in control on the chat line date. There are ways in which you can practice being less nervous on a phone date.
Those who love toxic relationships sacrifice their boundaries, almost entirely, for the sake of the ‘relationship’ (which sometimes isn’t even a relationship at all). But, if you hold firm to your boundaries, you’ll eventually find someone who meets them. Write your boundaries down because you will meet someone who makes them easy to forget, and forgetting them means falling back into the cycle.
Phone dating boundaries can be things like: you will call someone out if they are rude, you won’t let someone else dominate the phone date, you won’t engage in phone sex if you don’t want to, you will move on if they break your rules, etc.
(If you like this, you’ll love Things Watch Out For While Chat Line Dating)